If you did not receive our Christmas card, either it was a mistake (please email me your address if you wish to be on the list), you have never been on our list because we have been out of touch, or I don't know you and you read our blog. I wanted to share it with you. Here is the picture that is on the front. Inside, for the past few years, we have listed "Lessons Learned." I am going to list them and then explain each one. Enjoy (or be grossed out). You choose.:)
1. Winking and crossing of the eyes reveal a need for glasses. In this picture you can see Jono is squinting. We had him examined in October because he kept winking/squinting. It turns out he needed glasses. Getting him to wear them is a challenge, but we are working on it!
2. Sprinting naked towards potential buyers of your home does not bode well. Our house is currently on the market. One day Jackson came racing inside, telling me someone was outside wanting a flier. I came outside to talk to them and shortly thereafter, a naked Jonathan came outside, squinting furiously and running as fast as his little legs would let him towards this couple's car. Nice impression. Thanks, Jonathan.
3. Deadbolts and "lockdowns" prevent little Houdinis from escaping. Since we started locking our deadbolt to the side French doors every day, many more escape plans have been foiled. However, you can feel stir crazy and like you are in prison when you live like this!
4. Missing pencil erasers can surface in diapers two days later. Jonathan is still notorious for snatching Jackson's pencils and eating the erasers. We then add those triangular erasers to the tip and he eats those as well. We typically find them in his pull ups a couple of days later... ruined, of course. I have chosen to send Lego heads that Jonathan has ingested through the dishwasher and let Jackson use them again. Don't tell...
5. Why use your own toothbrush when you can use someone else's? Both Jonathan and Joel enjoy using all of our toothbrushes. It is not unusual to find an arsenal of toothbrushes in their medicine cabinet, waiting to replace the offended toothbrush. Nor is it odd to find toothbrushes in the dishwasher so they can be disinfected and reused.
6. Mealtimes are like sporting events - a lot of cheering and physical contact. We still have to bargain with Jonathan at every meal to eat meat and veggies. We have some songs we have concocted ("Johnnie, eat your meat! Johnnie eat your meat!" or "If you're happy and you know it, eat your meat!" (thanks, Aunt Betsy)). We also have to utilize the strategy, "Jonathan, if you don't eat that, I will make you eat that." This involves forcing him to spoon/fork food into his mouth. The idea behind it is that he won't want to lose control and will do it himself. Sometimes that happens. Most of our meals are like this and can be quite exhausting. I thumb my nose at the people who say they fix the same food for their kids and their kids can go without if they don't eat it or those people that say your kid will eat something if they just try it three or four times. Not so with the kid who literally gags on pasta or throws up eggs. His is very much a sensory issue - one we hope to say "good-bye" to soon.
7. Poison Control is like the military - they don't ask and they don't tell. I once asked them if they could see on their screen how many times I had called (afraid they would report me). They said "no" but they could find out. I pleaded with them not to look and enjoyed my anonymity for a moment.
8. iPhones are great babysitters while playing the waiting game. I feel like a cheater because I cannot control my kids at times but it has been such a lifesaver in line at the post office (why don't those people move faster?) and waiting in all the doctor offices we visit. Thank you, Apple! I love you people!
9. Cleaning up a mess yourself is not recommended but is less hassle. I like things ordered a certain way and sometimes it is simply easier to do it yourself instead of ask your kids to clean up only to do it again once they leave. I know I may regret this tactic but I do it!
10. Latex gloves can be a source of terror when frequenting the pediatrician. Jonathan had to receive synagis shots in our home for several winters in a row. They were intended to keep him from getting RSV since he was more at risk after having had a heart situation. Those nurses snapped on the gloves and he would just cry. He began noticing them at the dentist, pediatrician, and when the bug man came. He equates those gloves with shots and immediately begins to sign, "Finished."
11. Consequences hurt the punishers significantly more than the punishees. Jackson has had difficulty telling the truth the last few months. Each time, we take away more and more privileges. This often means we have to entertain more because he has less to entertain him. We don't want him lying but you can bet it is not just because it is wrong but because we are tired!
11. White bedspreads show mud stains. Dark comforters show snot tracks.
12. Boredom yields partners in crime. My friend, Courtney, has dubbed her younger two "Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee" and nothing could be truer. These boys, when not watching a video, eating, or entertaining themselves with toys, can be very creative to the point of destruction. I find food smashed in the couch and carpet, folded laundry strewn everywhere, toothbrushes used as paintbrushes, and the Christmas tree looking like a cat fight took place in it.
13. Swimming is like taking a bath - better when stripped of clothing. This summer at a friend's pool on one or two occasions when we were packing up, I would turn around and Jonathan would be completely naked. Before I could get to him, he would jump in the pool. He cannot yet swim. Once, his eyes were above the surface and the rest of him beneath. He just looked at me, totally unperturbed. I had to jump in fully clothed to rescue him. Funny yet terrifying.
14. Why use a tissue when a wall is available? When I made up Jackson's bed one time, I found a shrine to boogers on his wall. We had a lesson on no matter how tired you were, if your nose needs tending you GET UP and address it with a tissue, not the wall.
15. Strollers and car seats are socially acceptable alternatives to leashes. When we are in the car for short periods, it is usually quite calm because I don't have to worry about the boys crawling everywhere or destroying anything. When we get out and go to the store, the only way I have control is to stick them in the stroller. I can't put them in the grocery cart because they will lick it like it is candy and bring some disease home. I would never use the leash/backpack you see some people using. I think we would get some mean looks especially if we used it on Jonathan!
16. Mouthing metal articles is a documented developmental stage. This is according to us, of course.:) Jonathan cannot help but put anything metal in his mouth - doorknobs, cabinet door knobs, drawer pulls, keys, coins, die cast metal trains and cars, nails, batteries, screws, screw drivers, etc. It is maddening and appears to be sensory related. We hope it is just a stage!
17. Buzz cuts are a rite of passage but not necessarily flattering. Jackson begged for a buzz cut this year. We let him have one and it stopped us in our tracks. He looked so old but it also took away the sweetness from his face - it made him look harsh. Once school started, we instituted "Project Grow Hair Back." We will probably let him get another one this summer. It is only hair, after all, and we look for times to say "yes" when we have to say "no" so many other times!
18. The term "potty-trained" is relative. Because Joel has witnessed so many dirty diapers I change on Jonathan, he will say "poop" right before he goes. He knows. If he wants to, I think he will potty train easily. Jonathan could not care less. He can use the bathroom all day long if you take him but he will not tell you. He is beginning to say "poop" before he goes as well. He does not appear to be smearing it all over his body anymore (yes, it was awful!!!!).
19. Objects may ride on your car bumper for miles and still arrive home safely. One morning I went to work out and a friend said, "Do you know you have a shoe on your bumper?" I had no clue. Thank goodness because our phones (home and cell) did not survive the same fate a few years ago.
20. The "birds and the bees" may be introduced to your child at recess. Jackson came home one day and said, "Mom, what is sax?" I almost laughed and cried at the same time. A girl new to his class who loves him asked him if he knew what "sax" was. I told him to let her know he was not allowed to talk about things of that nature, which he promptly did. He asked me if it was inappropriate and I told him he was just not old enough to talk about it yet. Some may not agree with that philosophy but I need to get my speech ready. I could not do it on the fly.
21. Don't ever play dead while wrestling with your kids. It freaks them out. Since I have boys and was a bit of a tomboy myself (never prissy), I will wrestle with them. I don't let them win either. Jackson always wants to wrestle, thinking he will best me. Recently, he got me in a head lock and pressed his elbow into my throat and I could not get out. When he let go, I fell to the floor and was trying to catch my breath. He got in my face and asked if I was okay. At this point, I made a bad decision. I love to play jokes and this was not the time to do so but I closed my eyes, dropped to the floor, let my head fall to the side quickly, and whooshed out my breath. He shook me and I did not respond. He ran to the den so I thought he knew I was joking. Later he ran to Jamie to tell him I was dead. I thought it was hilarious yet knew I should not laugh. Jamie was not happy. I asked Jackson if he thought I was dead, why did he take so long to tell his dad?:)
22. Imitating Curious George's speech is hard to correct. Jonathan's speech is gradually developing but he has an odd bent toward the same grunts and hoots as Curious George. He went through a phase where all he wanted to watch was Curious George. When I noticed the imitating behaviors, I worried he would never stop!
23. Well check ups are dreaded more than sick visits by parent and child alike. I hate the shots and feel like such a liar when I say, as I am pinning my child down, "It's okay." Thank goodness for the flu vaccine up the nose. Jackson would worry about flu shots for months. Joel had to have shots recently. Jonathan had them at his five-year-check up and I forgot to anticipate this. As we thought we were leaving, the "shot nurse" came back in to take blood. She had already given him shots and I told him it was over (lie). He had to have blood taken to check his thyroid. We had to pin him down, listen to him scream, and I just cried along with him.
24. Lip gloss oozes all over purse contents after being handled like a chew toy. This has happened a few times now. I will find my lip gloss with a top that no longer fits and holes in the sides that, unfortunately, have already leaked gloss all over my compact, pens, and other things. Ugh.
25. Once shoes, phones, and remotes go "missing," recovery is not an option. Once I figure out an item is missing, there is no getting it back. We have several pair of shoes with only one shoe, a few remotes gone, a watch that has not surfaced, and a phone or two that has disappeared. It is maddening! You just hope they are in the floor vent, but they are usually in the trash that went out days ago!
26. Why climb a tree when you can scale the piano? At first, we hear them playing the piano and think it is sweet. Then, we hear scuffling and wonder what is going on. Jonathan used to do this. Now, Joel does. They both climb to the top and cannot get down. Humorous and frightening at the same time.
27. Some children have a magnetic bent toward anything that glitters. Jonathan calls anything that is gold "money" and wants to put it in his mouth right away. The little neck piece that is used to hold Jackson's Cub Scout scarf in place is a favorite of Jono's. One day, after putting the Christmas tree up, I noticed the bottom looking like it had been roughed up. We have a sash of sorts that we drape around it that we have had for almost 13 years. I realized that it has gold glitter etched on the edges and that must have drawn Jono's eye, for when I peered closer, it was torn to bits. Thanks, Jono. I still used it and tried to mask it when we showed our house during the holidays.
28. Dryers are not good hiding places. I found Joel closing the dryer door on Jonathan one day. I told Jonathan to open the door to see if he could. I was afraid they would do this again when I wasn't around and he would not be able to get out. I wanted him to see that he could. Sure enough, he used his little powerful legs to pop out. One of these days...
29. Too many bottles lead to cavities...too few bottles end in sleepless nights. Since Joel was four months old, he has woken nightly with something dripping down his throat. He now takes prevacid and allergy meds. They seem to have helped considerably. However, he can still wake up and we are not above giving him a bottle. This causes cavities and we figure they are only baby teeth, right? Most nights I get five hours of sleep tops and I will take anything I can get to go back to bed!
30. Why eat peanut butter when you can wear it? Jonathan loves to smear peanut butter all over his body when he is eating it. Something about the texture that he just has to experience all over. I will be glad when he quits this.
31. Little escape artists elude the stroller straps in stores while shopping. We thought Joel might be more compliant and calm since he is the third child. Not so. He hates being confined to the stroller like Jonathan and does his best to get out anytime he can while howling and screaming. I usually get sympathetic looks along with irritated ones. I try my best to go alone at night or before the sun rises now!
32. Childproof tops on medicine bottles are not always childproof. I cannot tell you how many times these kids have gotten into medicine after getting into cabinets that were supposed to be out of reach. We have to put locks on out of reach cabinets since they have learned to drag chairs to the countertops or climb the drawers. It started with Jackson taking too many vitamins long ago... I would also appreciate it if the childproof locks on cabinets and doors would work like they are supposed to...
33. Wearing your pants backwards and not noticing is hilarious. Jonathan likes to dress himself these days. He is very good about putting on pull ups alone and he likes to select his own outfits, too. One day our realtor (and friend) was over telling me about a sign he put in our yard. I looked down on the kitchen floor and Jonathan was playing with his pants on backwards with not a care in the world. I could not stop laughing!
34. The classroom bully lost his title to his little brother. Last year (or the year before) I wrote that the classroom bully lived at our house. That was Jonathan. He hit his "friends" and pulled their hair. He does not do this anymore. However, Joel has learned to defend himself and routinely clocks Jonathan. He gets out the lightsaber and tries to play with it like he witnesses his big brothers. He likes to get out the bat and hit balls. If he doesn't get his way, he throws things (for which he is disciplined). The kid has a temper and does not hesitate to show it. Jamie said the other day, "Maybe we got Jonathan to prepare us for Joel." Say it isn't so!
In conclusion, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. We are grateful Christ was born, because without Him, we would not make it!
Laughing all the way,
Jamie, Julie, Jackson, Jonathan, and Joel:)
