Our Baby Started School

I was both dreading 11 August 2008 and anticipating it all summer. Last Monday Jackson started his first day of kindergarten. The Thursday before we had orientation. We brought Jackson to school and were introduced to his teacher. At one point his teacher took him and his classmates to her classroom so we could listen to the principal. I turned to Jamie with tears in my eyes and said, "I don't think I can do this." Thankfully, he knew two other students and did not seem upset. We came and got him after the meeting - he seemed very excited.
Monday, the 11th came. We walked him in and he bravely went into his classroom and got settled. I felt fine because he didn't cry. I knew he was trying to be brave. Jamie kept hovering in the doorway, taking pictures. I asked him if we could go and he said he wanted to make sure Jack was okay. I left and went toward the little theater where the PTO was hosting a "Sip 'n' Sob." We met a few parents but mostly chased Jonathan around. Jonathan was actually a great distraction that day.
When I picked Jackson up that day, he was overwhelmed. He seemed okay when he got in the car but said, "Mommy, I just don't want to talk about it." Well, of course, I did - I had been dying to know how the day went. I tried to pepper him with questions without being found out. I figured out that he was overwhelmed, he was learning a lot of new rules, he had to sit more than he was used to, and he had to be quiet a lot.
Each day of last week he would come home tired. He would say he liked PE, lunch, his teacher, and his classmates but that he didn't want to go back. On Friday he burst into tears. He said he "got on yellow." They have a traffic light system and he moved from green to yellow. He said, "Mommy, I can't remember all the rules and I am making too many mistakes. I never want to come back!" I told him that is was okay and he said, "It is?" He must have thought we would be really upset. I explained to him that we all make mistakes and that he would make more. The important thing was to obey and be respectful.
Personally, I struggle with perfectionism and I see hints of it in him from time to time. I want him to know he needs to do his best but he needs to move on when that doesn't happen. My identity was so wrapped up in performance all my life because school and other things came so easily. Then, when life became difficult in different areas, I did not adjust well. I am hoping to help him avoid this line of thinking.
This week has been better. He told me Monday morning that he was not going to school. I informed him he was and he said, "Okay." He came home saying it was not boring (the first day he said that) and he liked it. The rest of the week has been much better and I am so grateful.
Another neat thing that has transpired is that he appears to be attentive to the feelings of others. There was a child who had a hard time and Jackson helped him when they made transitions from room to room. After school one day, he was telling his friends good-bye. He hugged one kid and then another appeared, looking like he wanted a hug, too. A dad and I looked at each other and laughed. I said, "That's sweet because he doesn't know that that isn't cool!"
Jonathan has enjoyed picking Jackson up as well. I really think he misses his big brother. When we get home, Jackson wants to unwind. Jonathan comes up and smacks him hoping for a fight. It is quite funny to watch.
Jonathan has been quite the challenge lately but I am happy to report that he has eaten peanut butter and jelly, pork, lasagna, and pizza as of late. He used to eat anything and then over a year ago, he reduced what he would eat probably by 75%. Tonight we went out to eat with friends and it is the first night in close to a year I have not packed him dinner and taken it with us. It sounds so minute, but what a victory! What a stress reliever!
Have a great week!
Julie
juliewarren73@charter.net