Merry Christmas from the Warrens! This is the Christmas card we send out every year. The underlined sentence is the one-liner we put in the card but here, underneath, I have included an explanation of each one. Needless to say, this is rather long. You may need to take breaks....
Lessons Learned 2011
Crossing of the eyes indicates continued need for wear of undesired glasses.
Jonathan's left eye wanders and he has to wear glasses to strengthen those muscles. He does not like to wear them.
If your child is missing, don’t fret - look in the washer.
One morning Jamie could not find Jonathan. Joel led him to the dryer and showed him Jono's hiding place. Very soon after, Jono climbed into the washer and hid there instead.
Ice cream sandwich wrappers left secretively behind the couch indicate an addiction.
We had problems with Joel getting hungry and helping himself to the fridge or freezer items. His food of choice became ice cream sandwiches. Locking the doors was hard. Why I didn't figure out to move the ice cream sandwiches to the top of the freezer until later, I don't know!
A 5AM fridge raid goes sour when attempts to retrieve food awaken sleeping parents.
Joel wakes most mornings between 5:00 and 5:30am. He often tries to feed himself. One morning I woke up at 5am to the scraping of a chair across the kitchen floor. When I walked in, he was poised in front of the open fridge on the said chair, ready to get his ice cream sandwich.
Maiming the neighborhood’s future Olympic gymnast in a bike wreck is no laughing matter.
Jackson and a neighbor's daughter both were at fault. They were riding close to each other and couldn't turn away in time. She had to go to the ER to get her arm checked out. Had Jackson not been wearing his helmet, he would probably have had a concussion. I was concerned for Jackson, but scared the aspiring gymnast had been benched!
Moving boxes are not clever hiding places for TV remotes or ready-to-expire gift cards.
Joel and Jonathan tucked our remotes in moving boxes we didn't unpack. We won't unpack them until we move a few months from now when our house is finished. We cannot operate our TV without these remotes. Irritating. Jamie bought a bunch of gift cards at a silent auction last spring. When we moved they got stuck somewhere in a box and never were unpacked. We couldn't find them and worried they would expire before we moved again! One weekend, he was bound and determined and found them.
Never leave luggage unattended when liquid meds are involved... red stain, white bedspread.
When I was packing for Thanksgiving, I left Robitussin out on the bed in a Ziploc (I think). Joel walked in our room and opened the child-proof top and began to pour a dose for himself all over our white bedspread. I prayed over the bedspread, stain treated it, and washed it immediately.:) No stain remained!
Potty training - the student becomes the teacher.
Jonathan is showing Joel how it is done!
Evening playtime requires Daddy to suit up with athletic protective gear to avoid injury.
At night the boys get really excited when Jamie gets home - so much so that Jamie should wear rec specs, a helmet, and a cup as a result of the playful blows he is dealt.
Never go to Disney in June - watch the double stroller boxing match unfold for free at home.
We decided to try a trip to Disney this summer while my sister and her husband were there. It was incredibly hot. Joel and Jono were in a double stroller and fought the whole time. Jono did not care for Disney and Joel was ticked most of the time. It was not pleasant.
A pinworm diagnosis explains repeated scratching in embarrassing areas... for months.
Jono had been scratching in a certain area for months and we thought he was enamoured with that area and kept telling him to stop. On our way home from Disney, we discovered he actually had been itching for a reason - pinworms - and had probably had them for months since it started in May. One of many reasons why it is frustrating when your kid loves to put things in his mouth he shouldn't and unable to communicate clearly.
Poison Control remains a close friend and confidante.
I still call them often and wonder if they are reporting me on the sly. I had to call them from South Carolina at Thanksgiving to report that Jono had possibly swallowed a magnet.
Waking to a glass microwave plate shattering sets the tone for the day.
One morning Jonathan opened the microwave and dropped the rotating glass plate on the floor. That was the first sound I heard that day - a terrible way to wake up.
Discipline takes an interesting turn when YOU are threatened with the spanking stick.
Joel is not phased by discipline in the least. When requested to do something he says, "NO!!" He also finds our spanking stick and will ask me if I want a spanking.
Honey and syrup apparently double as both sweeteners and morning drinks.
I have found Joel in our pantry with both the honey and the syrup upturned, resting in his mouth. He usually says, "Oh, hi Mom. Want some?"
Muscle fatigue from exercise ironically results in the inability to lift or chase your child.
I get up every weekday morning at 5am to work out. I find it ironic that while I am getting stronger through Crossfit, I can't chase my kids while my muscles repair daily.
Camp near a laundromat. You never know when you might need one... at 2AM.
Jamie, Jamie's dad, and Jackson went camping in Pensacola with the Cub Scouts. Jackson had a slight fever but seemed okay. They flew there and on the descent Jack threw up. He was not himself and woke up screaming that night. His clothes and sleeping bag were wet so Jamie had to find a laundromat and dry them at 2am. Jackson screamed home. Upon their return, they visited the ER and it turned out that he had an infected eardrum which may have ruptured. And we thought he was just being dramatic.
A homemade mummy costume for Halloween seemed like a good idea... for about five minutes.
Jackson wanted to be a mummy for Halloween. I made him one out of toilet paper. It was unsatisfactory. Jamie redid it as we were headed out the door. It flew off in pieces as Jackson raced from door to door so he came home and changed into a Star Wars outfit instead.
Edward Scissorhands lives here, wielding knives and scissors before sunrise.
One morning Jamie came out to the den and found Joel walking around with knives and our scissors from our knife block.
You don’t need a daughter to have a Drama Queen.
People ask us if we will try for a fourth child to get a girl. I feel like I already have three.
Lego extractions can be performed in-house now as well as at the hospital.
Joel stuffed a Lego gem very high up his nose. Jamie put on a hat and tucked a flashlight in it up over his ear. I held Joel down. Jamie took tweezers and got it out, saving us a trip to the ER.
Fake injuries seem to be easily subdued by toilet paper bandages.
When Jackson gets "hurt," his pain is suprisingly eased by a fake bandage.
A lunch box can go to timeout at school for being used as a bat to the face.
Jono hit a friend in the face at school with his lunchbox and would not quit. His teacher put his lunchbox in time out and Jono did not know what to do. I have since used the tactic at home.
A diaper fashionista lives here - apparently, if it’s not Elmo, it’s not happening.
Joel can use the toilet but refuses to because he loves his diapers. We went through a period where he refused to wear any diaper but one with Elmo imprinted on it. His wishes were not always granted and those were not happy days.
Heard EVERYDAY: “We don’t eat boogers. We don’t eat poop. Yucky.”
Joel is our first booger-picker. We repeat this mantra often to remind him to keep his fingers clean.
Mysterious, in-house honey bee infestations make sense after noticing the neighbor raises bees.
In our previous home, we had honey bees flying around in the ceiling tiles and sometimes in the downstairs living area. I would dust the blinds and find many dead. We could not figure out where they were coming from. Later, once they were gone, we drove past our backyard neighbors' house and saw they had a wooden box up on concrete blocks swirling with bees. It all made sense after that. These were cranky, hyper-vigilant neighbors of ours who complained about things that were nothing in comparison to if one of us had been allergic to bees!
Toothpaste is not just for cleaning teeth - use it on your hardwoods.
One day I walked out of the kitchen to find Joel had smeared toothpaste all over the floor. So much fun to clean up.
Girls aren’t the only ones who like tea parties, make up, and pink high heels.
For some reason, all of our boys have liked to dress up in dresses, jewelry, and heels. Jono still has tea parties and I found Joel with my concealer all over his eyes one day, barely able to see, looking like a beige racoon.
We run this place like a jail - three meals daily, locks on all the doors, and a prison yard out back.
Not kidding. We have locks on the fridge, freezer, dryer, and pantry. I have constructed loops around the fence posts to keep the gates closed. As crazy as it sounds, I feel safer here than our last house because we have a fence now.
No Warren child has ever been kicked out of Preschool Sunday School. Until this year.
I was subbing for Jono's buddy one day at church. We were out on the playground. One of our administrators came to find me to tell me that Joel had been in time out repeatedly for pushing. He was at her desk because he had been kicked out of the room. I was shocked. Never did I expect that! I picked him up and we headed home shortly thereafter.
A friend of our kindergartener remarked that our son “doesn’t take school seriously.”
In the first week of school, one of Jono's classmates noticed how he chewed on everything in sight, including erasers. The little boy came home and told his mom that Jonathan was not taking school seriously.:) This little boy has turned out to be so helpful and a translator for Jono in class.
While seated on the toilet, why not save time and “wash” your feet?
Sometimes after using the bathroom, Jono comes out all wet. While sitting down, he has decided to stand in the toilet or kick his feet around in the contents. Nice.
The definition of allowance seems to be “pay me for doing nothing.”
Jackson often wants an allowance even though he has completed no chores and is shocked to find we won't pay him. Our child will not suffer from entitlement.
Fistfuls of chocolate ease the process of haircuts - for parent, child, and barber.
When we go to see the boys' barber, I dread it. He is absolutely wonderful but Jono does not like for his head to be touched. So, with each cut, Jono gets chocolate as a reward. It is getting better, but is still difficult.
No suitable housing + surrendered, peaceful prayer = escape from Death Trap rental house.
When we sold our house this summer, the buyers wanted us out immediately. We could find no rentals at all in our area - we needed to stay within certain zones so our kids could continue to go to their elementary school. The only house Jamie could find was down the street from our old house. The top floor looked down into the den and the realtor selling the home called it "The Homewood Chalet." The stairs were not up to code and I could just see the kids taking nosedives off the stairs into the den. There was no yard in the front or the back. The front yard was still on a busy street and the backyard had a deck - one side opened onto tree stumps and the other onto huge rocks. I could also envision our boys jumping off the deck onto those. I felt incredibly uncomfortable but Jamie said we had prayed and this is what God had provided. We needed to trust Him. It was Wednesday. We were supposed to close Friday and move Saturday. Wednesday night I prayed and thanked God for His provision but asked if He would please provide something else. The next day, an hour before we signed the lease to the Death Trap, a friend of a friend called to offer to rent us their house - down the street from where we would eventually buy and renovate. God is good!
It’s not a holiday worth celebrating unless you make a trip to the ER.
We go to the ER so often, we go to Krispy Kreme afterwards to celebrate that treatment is over. Jonathan swallowed a marble on the day after Thanksgiving. It was part of a magnetic set. I KNEW he had not swallowed a magnet but Poison Control told me if I was not 100% sure, to take him to the ER. I was so mad! I was thankful for good medical care, but so tired of the constant ingestions of inedible items!
And that, my friends, is the way our year went!
Merry Chaos,
Jamie, Julie, Jackson, Jonathan, and Joel
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