Special Weekend

This weekend was special - marked by Jackson's celebration of his third birthday and Jonathan's first Easter.

This Easter Sunday's message was challenging. Our church is currently on the prowl for a new minister. David has been our church's speaker for a six-week series called "Unstoppable." His messages have prompted a lot of personal soul searching. On Sunday he ended the message with a question: Is Jesus the Master of your life?

Jonathan's birth brought so many unexpected things and my world shifted dramatically in an instant. What was so difficult for me to digest was that these changes were permanent. I was totally out of control. All of my life has been lived in an effort to achieve perfection, to keep up appearances, and to stay in control. A guy I coached with once said he was glad that I wasn't a police officer because I would never go off duty.:) I laughed at the time, but that is the pattern of my life - I neither accept nor extend grace. The standard for myself is perfection and, therefore, is the one I demand of everyone else. That mentality is in direct opposition to what Christianity is.

As a Christian, my basic knowledge is this - I am a sinner and I am unworthy to enter heaven or have a relationship with God on my own merit. A price has to be paid for my sin and since God is holy, He cannot accept my imperfect offering. It has to be an offering that is completely perfect and holy. Jesus, who was without sin, came to this earth and died in my place. I accept Christ's payment. He is my "ticket" to heaven and to a relationship with God while I am here on this earth. I know this in my head, but I realize that I have not always believed it in my heart.

I experience my life like a bank account. Growing up, I bought into the picture that others painted of me. To keep my place on the pedestal, I would deposit things into my account - good grades, a hard work ethic, daily devotionals, abstinence from foul language, rigid dating standards, etc. If something happened to end my stint of perfection in an area, I would become angry and defensive, listing all the things I had done for God and how unjustified the situation was. Eventually, things would improve and I would think I had wooed the Lord to my way of thinking. I thought I was superior to others and did not deserve the same treatment because of all the good I had done.

Now I look at Jonathan's scar on his chest and all it represents - a need for a heart change, the realization that I am not perfect, and the knowledge that I cannot survive without help - grace. Christ died in my place - yes, my place. I can do nothing to earn my way no matter how "good" I am.

Is Jesus the Master of my life? NO. I fight Him on a daily basis for control. From this day forward, I want to accept His grace, extend it to others, and invite Him to be my Master. I am so tired. I will let go of the bank account/police officer mentality and let God perform open heart surgery on my heart. He is the Great Physician and the Great Healer. I need to let Him do His job.

Julie:)
juliewarren@mindspring.com