Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I would blog more often but many of our days can be very difficult with our crew and I don't want to use this as a format to complain or discourage someone else. Don't want to be a Debbie Downer, you know? 
There are people on facebook lamenting the end of summer yet all I feel is relief. This summer started out relatively easy but toward the end of June the madness began, as I mentioned in my previous post. Jamie moved his office into our rental house. We moved two weeks later, he moved his business a week or two after that, and I was trying to unpack the house while dealing with kids that were no longer going to camp or being entertained. There has been a LOT of screaming and I don't know if my ears will ever be the same. I cannot figure out if it is the boys' squealing/screaming or if it is the constant change in barometric weather as we face continuous thunderstorms. 
We find out this afternoon who Jackson's fourth grade teacher is. I am praying it will be a good fit and God will provide him with some friends. This is such an awkward age for him and he refuses to engage in competitive sports. The strange thing is that he is very athletic but he does not like to fail. He wants to be the best without trying. Therefore, he would rather not try at all. Jamie and I both are very competitive so we understand that, but not trying? We both would work our tails off and exhaust all our resources before giving up. We must figure out how to motivate him to shed this approach and to resolve to try - not necessarily at sports but this seems to be bleeding over in all areas of his life. It is hard to watch your kids struggle and realize it is your job to guide them when you are not quite sure where to start. 
Jonathan will repeat kindergarten and have his same teacher from last year. She was gracious enough to offer, knowing he would do better in a familiar situation. I grieved for a while, wishing he would have been the kid with DS who was on grade level even if he had to work harder. I know it was wrong, but felt like it was a reflection on me - if only I had worked harder with him then he could have advanced to first grade. But, considering he barely talked and has both attention and sensory issues that make every task hard, I had to let that go. If it was just DS we were dealing with, it would be a whole different story. But, his inability to communicate clearly, his difficulty in attending, his constant struggle to remain healthy, and his sensory issues affect everything we do. Jamie and I "divide and conquer" constantly. 
I envy the families that can do everything together and have fun. If it is too loud, Jonathan cannot handle it and one of us must attend to his needs to make certain he does not take away from the other two kids or other patrons. At restaurants, he refuses to eat unless he can have chips and dessert. Every meal is a fight with him and we do it at every stinking meal. I feel sorry for Jackson and Joel, at times, because their family experience is not normal. Many would say, "What is normal?" You know what I mean. 
I pray Jono can learn better this year, focus more, and that he wants to learn. I hope that he makes friends and that the other students are kind to him. I pray that his aide is the best fit. I pray that his teacher continues to have unending patience and remains laid back. 
Joel continues to screech and react quickly to situations. His response quickly escalates if he is not paid attention in his time frame. He still says and does very funny and sweet things. All in all, both he and Jackson are very patient with Jono but none of us has the patience of Job. Joel will go to preschool three days a week and I am hoping to have an easier year of it. 
We are so very blessed and God is with us. I know it. There are situations far more difficult than ours people live with everyday. I need strength, wisdom, perseverance, and patience. I need to remember to ask Him for help because I CANNOT do this life on my own.



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