Monday, June 09, 2008

Update on Jack and The Apple Store Fiasco

Jackson is doing well. We are keeping him down which he finds most depressing. His voice is odd - we are hoping he is just compensating for pain. He is not himself still but we are glad that he is eating, talking, and moving around. He has not complained much - he just hasn't been himself. We have been concerned about bleeding and that is supposed to be an issue for another week - not too much activity to keep blood pressure down. We head to the beach next week and my brother's wedding the following weekend. We hope Jackson will recover enough to enjoy it!

Here is a really interesting story, something that happened to me recently...

About a month ago, I headed to the Apple Store to see if they could revive my iPod. When I walked into the store, I noticed a young girl that looked familiar. As the clerk was finishing up with me, a woman sidled up. I realized she was the mother of the girl I had seen. I realized that the girl was a former student.

I greeted the mother and she asked if I was Mrs. Warren who taught seventh grade math. I smiled and said "yes" and inquired after her daughter. She said, "She is doing great despite you." I took a double-take and it all came back. This woman had been most caustic and abusive when I had her daughter. I said, "Is the only reason you came over here to talk to me was to say that?" She said, "It sure is!" and I replied, "Then I think we are done here." However, she kept talking as she nervously pulled at the skin on her neck. I could tell she was most agitated and the thought ran through my mind that maybe she was certifibly crazy - she was fuming and behaving as if what she was angry about had happened just yesterday. I decided to let her talk - maybe I needed to listen. Maybe I had done something for which I needed to apologize. As she rambled on and on, I prayed for guidance. Left to my own devices, I might scratch her eyes out or slice her to nothing with my words, and well, that wouldn't be very good, would it?:)

This is how the conversation went (this is my version, as accurate as I remember):

Mother: You know, you were the most hated teacher at the school. We all would sit around and just talk about you.

Me: Really? That's unfortunate.

Mother: Because of you, countless lives were ruined.

Me: What do you mean?

Mother: Parents trusted your recommendations for eighth grade math and then their children were unable to attend the college of their choice because you did not recommend them for the advanced eighth grade class.

Me: How was that my fault?

Mother: After eighth grade, they could no longer get on the advanced math track and, subsequently, were unable to be as competitive for college applications. Do you know how competitive college is?

Me: Yes, I am aware of that.


Mother: Did you all just sit around and try to think of ways to keep children out of advanced math? Why was your department so punitive?

Me: No, we did not. I was not responsible for the structure of the math classes in the school system. Before I recommended a student for the following year, I looked at as many scores as I could, the kids' performance in my class, etc. and then I wore the other teachers out with trying to see what they thought. They used to make fun of me because I would agonize over it so.

Mother: Well, my child just LOVED the eighth grade teacher and had a great year with her.

Me: Well, the eighth grade teacher looked over my recommendations before I gave them.

Mother: (A little deflated.) Who do I need to talk to now to change the way the math department conducts itself?

Me: I am not sure - I haven't worked there for five years. (I am wondering why she feels it is necessary to change it now?)

Mother: You just don't know what it is like to have someone tell your child they can't do something.

Me: I think I will - I have a child with DS.

Mother: Well, I hope people are kinder to your child than you were to mine.

Me: I was NEVER unkind to your child.

Mother: Oh, yes you were! You told her she was incapable and stupid (her interpretation of my recommendation that her child take regular math rather than advanced after a struggle all year in my class).

Me: Are you serious? I NEVER said anything like that! That NEVER crossed my mind!

Mother: In her senior year her calculus teacher told her that she was bright. She said, "Oh, no I'm not. You should talk to my seventh grade math teacher."

Me: I am so sorry she had such a terrible experience with me. I am also sorry for you, carrying this around for - what? - ten years? Where is she? Can I talk to her?

Mother: Well... yes, you can talk to her. She is out in the car. She will be nice to you - she is a very nice girl.

Me: I am sure she will be - I remember her being so...

Mother: You know, each year in my daughter's math class, your chapter three test would come up. You know - the test where the Venn diagram question was worth 20 points and if you missed all of it, you were down to an 80?

Me: No, I am sorry. I don't remember that one. I wrote new tests every year.

(We walk out to the car together.)

Me: Student, your mom has been telling me what an awful experience you had in my class.

(Student nods her head.)

Mother: Honey, remember that chapter three test?

(Student nods her head and smiles and I feel like I have entered the Twilight Zone.)

Me: Your mom also tells me your perception of me is that I thought you were stupid.

(Student nods her head, looking bored.)

Me: I am sorry that you had such a bad experience in my class. Just so you know, I never said you were stupid nor did I ever think it. It sounds like you are doing very well despite your experience with me - congratulations! I wish you continued success.


At that point, I walked off. I couldn't find my car and laughed to myself. I was shaking and did not want to let on. I felt like I had been kicked. The mother wanted to catch me by surprise. She did. Her cruelty was both shocking and terribly pathetic.

The interesting thing is that the mother overrode my recommendation for her child that year and placed her in advanced eighth grade math anyway. Her fury was rooted in the fact that she took my recommendation to mean her child was not smart and she poisoned her child into letting her think that. Her child did struggle in my class and interpreted that to mean I thought she was stupid. My class was difficult, especially for children who were not prepared or who had not yet developed higher level thinking skills. I was responsible for assuming kids from four different elementary schools were starting out at the same level. Not only were they from four different schools but often at least thirty percent were not recommended and placed there by their parents. So, I was expected to teach advanced students but spent most of my time dealing with the kids for whom the class was not intended.

Add to all this that some kids did mature over the summer and could do the eighth grade advanced class. However, my recommendation was based on how they performed in my class and on scores. I explained to this mother that this time of year was most difficult for me because I wanted to place each child correctly. I prayed over those recommendations and drove the other teachers crazy trying to get them to help me so I would not make mistakes. I knew the students (and their parents) took this very personally.

After my experience at that school, I realized many things. If my child cannot handle a class on his own, I will not push him to be in it. If my child does not develop a personal relationship with his teacher, we will talk about how it is not a rejection of him. If my child performs poorly in a class after having given it his best shot (this girl did work hard), we will talk about how it is not a reflection on his intelligence. Finally, I will not be that parent who is vindictive. I realize that when it comes to your child, it is hard not to take their struggles personally. I knew that before I had kids. I am hoping I will respond differently.

I have been wronged before by people from whom I didn't expect it and carried it around far too long. I realize now that the way those people treated me was not right but it also was not personal. This mother and I have something in common - we both carried around our hurt too long and became vicious, reliving it any time an event triggered our hurt. As I looked at her while she hissed at me, I saw myself and felt blessed - blessed to have been given a picture of how I look when I carry unforgiveness in my heart. This woman hurt me but she really hurt herself and her daughter far worse. In fact, she taught her daughter a terrible lesson - one she may be unable to unlearn for some time and I grieve that for her. Through a contact, I actually discovered that this mother has another child at my old school, currently in the seventh grade. This mother has been abusing his seventh grade teacher. While I feel sorry for that teacher, the mother's reaction to me made so much more sense.

If you were having a bad day, do you feel better?:) Ha! You never know what each day might bring, do you?

Julie:)
juliewarren@mindspring.com

Thursday, June 05, 2008

The Tonsil-less Patient and Moyer the Destroyer

We woke Jack twice in the night to give him his pain meds. I found him in his room this morning at 6:45 playing in his bed awaiting the time he could come out (he can't emerge from his room until 7am). He seemed fine. We have noticed that his voice sounds thick and he is jutting out his chin to compensate for the odd sensation he feels with the swelling and tightness.

I think today was tougher than yesterday. Jamie looked at Jack's throat tonight and saw that the scabs were changing color (indicative of healing). This also means that his skin is tightening and it will begin to be more painful. I followed him around today, begging him to drink. If he stays hydrated, that will prevent bleeding and keep his comfort level as good as possible.

Today was Day 2. Jackson was already tired of ice cream/ popsicles and wanted real food. Additionally, he didn't want to watch TV and movies all day. He started jumping around, batting at a beach ball with me. I kept telling him to calm down and that he couldn't be wild. Poor guy - he has so much energy but his throat hurts. He wants to eat but can't. I felt like the bad guy - when I would turn him down in terms of food or activity level he would say he wanted his daddy. AAAAAHHHH!

We played games and then found some recipes in his "Mommy and Me" cookbook. We made a list of things for a smoothie and a chocolate dessert then headed to the store. After shopping and picking Jonathan up from school, we made the smoothie. I did not realize I would need to crush the raspberries through a sieve/strainer to extract seeds. I did this with my fingers for a cup of raspberries. Then, I peeled and cut up 10 small peaches. As we blended it all and I prepared to serve my oldest, he ran away holding his mouth refusing to try it. Okay... Then I made the chocolate dessert. You make chocolate chocolate chip muffins (I made triple chunk brownies in the muffin tin). If the muffins have tops (mine didn't), take them off and replace them with a scoop of ice cream. Melt a caramel candy bar with half and half. Then pour the caramel mixture on top of the ice cream. Very good! Jackson ate this.

Tomorrow is the day that I have heard is really tough. I will continue to chase him around with the pain meds and fluids. I am thankful we are getting this over with now and not later!

The latest on Jonathan is that Jamie has named him "Moyer the Destroyer." I can't remember if I have mentioned that before or not. Jonathan destroys everything in sight. He throws things in the trash, takes them out of the trash, rips up any paper he can lay hands on, tears toys off shelves and throws them against the wall, chews things up, and tries to take any toys with which his brother is occupied. In general, he is a tyrant these days. Then, all of a sudden, he is the "sweetest" child you ever met. Kind of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Nice/scary/nice/scary...

Jonathan's OT, Michael, came to our house Monday to help me with feeding Jonathan at home. I was feeling insecure and as if I was being tested. I do not look forward to meals because they are miserable. Jonathan used to eat everything under the sun and then just quit about a year to a year and a half ago. Who knows why? We don't. He will eat cheerios with milk, pancakes, applesauce, yogurt, protein bars, peanut butter, any kind of dessert, grapes, craisins, apple, crackers, chips, etc.

The idea has been to try to incorporate other foods and I have been unsuccessful with vegetables. I thought I was supposed to hide a whole piece of food in applesauce or yogurt but that was incorrect. Michael showed me to take what he already eats and then add other things - the other foods need to be mashed or ground up. I have a food grinder from when I was a baby. He took it and ground lunch meat. Then we added it to Jonathan's applesauce, a little at a time. We tried to find Jonathan's tolerance. Then, after two bites, we would cheer and reward him with bubbles or food. It worked like a charm. That day at lunch we got him to eat lima beans and lunch meat in his applesauce. That evening I got him to eat green beans and lunch meat again - wow! I thought grinding up his food would be regressing to baby food but the idea is to get him to tolerate the taste. Then slowly add more. Then add bigger pieces until you are up to the food itself. There were times Jonathan gagged but mostly he did well.

Michael is all business - kind but firm. He made Jonathan use signs instead of scream. He told Jonathan to keep his "hands down." Jonathan likes to smear food all over his face. Michael said this could be a way he prolongs his feeding time or avoids eating more. So saying, "Hands down!" keeps his hands out of the way and a much cleaner eating experience. Again, I felt badly because I had been letting Jonathan be messy, thinking it would go away with time. I never thought it could be a manipulation of sorts.

It is tough to deal with therapists sometimes because I feel like they are advising me on something I should already know. I find it humiliating at times that their advice is so obvious and simple. However, they are the experts and I need them so I listen!

Here are some videos of Jonathan tonight in the bath tub:


Jonathan using sign language.


Evaluation of knowledge of body parts while bathing.



Continued "body parts exam" in the bath tub. Sorry about the view...

Julie:)
juliewarren@mindspring.com

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Tonsilectomy

Jackson got up this morning and said good-bye to his tonsils. He had tubes put in and adenoids removed two weeks before reaching two years old. He has had tubes removed. This is his third procedure and we are pros. Frankly, this recovery is supposed to be tough in the days to come because (this is gross so get ready...) the skin behind the scabs gets tight and it is painful. Ugh! In the grand scheme of things, not so bad, right? We've had worse. I saw this video today of a man who has no arms or legs and gives all the glory to God (http://www.wretch.cc/video/ritahsia&func=single&vid=2282608&o=time ). Makes our day look like a cake walk!

After surgery and about an hour's recovery, we came home. Nana and Pops took Jonathan yesterday and kept him for us so we could focus on the Jackster. We loaded up on meds and ice cream products. Jackson ate popsicles, ice cream, and drank juice. It is important that he stay hydrated to keep his skin in his throat from tightening too much. We plan to wake him twice tonight to keep the pain meds rolling.

We were lazy and watched a movie during dinner. This recovery process can take up to two weeks. Even if Jackson is feeling great, we are not supposed to let him get wild - his throat might bleed. Again - yuck. We want to avoid that at all costs, right? I don't quite know how far to take it - no pool, no riding bikes, no climbing the tree house, etc. for 14 days? I am hoping that is not right. We shall see!


Jackson dressed up like a cowboy because kids on Barney (he never watches this, I promise) were talking about cowboys. He made his own belt and lasso out of these wire/styrofoam things, had his hat and hankerchief on, and wore his Luke Skywalker pants as dusters.


Attempt #1 to get a good view of the tonsils.


Attempt #2. I know - yuck. Just don't look if it's that bad!


Jack before surgery - excited about the ice cream.


Jack and Daddy. We got there around 6:30am and he arrived in his Lightening McQueen PJs.


Front view with gown.


Back view.


Stirring after surgery. Dr. Davis said Jackson's tonsils looked similar in size to golf balls. He also said none of the adenoid tissue had grown back.


Jackson and Daddy.


No more tonsils (I know you don't really want to see this...).


Jackson eating ice cream, loving life while the pain medication is still working. Apparently, Day Three will be tough.


Cowboy Jack wanted me to post this "on the internet, Mommy."


Jack getting ready to put on the gown. He was rather excited.


Jack waking up.


Jackson living the high life with ice cream, drink, and his own personal movie at the other end of the couch.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

About a month ago everyone was sick and on antibiotics. Jackson got strep again two weeks ago and I got it again two days later. Jonathan has been fever free and strep free, thankfully. Jamie has maintained good health as well. Both Jamie and Jackson have been fighting a slow spread of poison ivy but no other illnesses.

Friday we were off to the ENT for a check up for both boys - Jonathan for his quarterly hearing check and Jackson to ensure good health before he got his tonsils out this Wednesday. Before we left, Jonathan appeared to swallow something (I think it was a small Star Wars lego part). He looked at me as if to say, "I can't breathe, HELP!" I smacked his back a couple of times and then tried the Himlich (sp?). It seemed to go down and he was fine. He ate breakfast but I was still concerned.

Once we got to the ENT and check ups were complete, I told our ENT about the swallowing episode. He told me we could see if it passed. He also related scary stories of what happens if it doesn't, including that it could get trapped in Jonathan's airway and cut off his air supply. I decided not to mess with that. As we sat in the waiting room while the nurses set it all up, I just cried (very inconspicuously, mind you). Jackson was acting crazy and I was torn - do I discipline him or what? The kid is so used to hanging out in doctor's offices and this is not fair to him. We were all sunscreened, ready to meet friends at the zoo, and this was a kink. While on one hand, I am so thankful for health care and insurance, on the other hand, I have a hard time reconciling this life with the one I expected. I had a two-minute pity party and then told myself to suck it up. I don't see how all of this glorifies God, but so be it.

Nana met me at our house and took Jackson. I took Jonathan to the hospital. He got a chest x-ray which was negative. Then he was put to sleep and our ENT checked his lungs and stomach - no lego piece. So, either it didn't occur and I am now imagining things, it did occur and it is lodged somewhere, or it will pass through his you-know-what. I didn't know what I was signing up for - I assumed it was like tubes - we would get to go home within the hour. Not so. We had to stay for eight hours afterwards which happened to be midnight. We considered going home but Jonathan's oxygen saturation levels and his heart rate kept dipping which sounded an alarm that was irritating so Jamie stayed with him and I came home.

Jamie returned with Jonathan at 8:30 Saturday morning and we got Jackson about an hour later from Nana. What a night! We headed to Men's Wearhouse for Jamie and the boys to get fitted for tuxes - my brother is getting married in three weeks. All the boys are in the wedding - Jonathan's tux is so small and he loved it! We are praying to be healthy for that weekend and that Jonathan will walk down the aisle and not run up to guests in the pews.

Today the boys and I stayed home while Jamie went to church. This is the third week we have done this - either because the boys are sick or to ward off sickness. What with Jonathan's lego emergency and Jackson's upcoming surgery, we opted to stay home. It started raining so we went out and opened up the back of the car. We sat in it and played with the toys in the car and watched the rain. Then we rode bikes. Jackson was enamored with a snail and he gave us play-by-plays of its progress across the driveway and into the carport. The neighbors across the street peered out the window at us curiously. I am sure we looked odd sitting in the car, especially when I let Jonathan sit on the port-a-potty to take care of some business.:) Probably not the best decision of the day on my part...

Please pray for our health as a family. Things could be so much worse for sure, but it can wear on me emotionally. I keep praying that God would be honored and glorified in me and He keeps providing opportunities. I don't always rise to the occasion, so thank goodness for His mercy.

Jackson has his tonsils removed on Wednesday. We are hoping it will be smooth!

Have a great day,
Julie

juliewarren@mindspring.com


Boys playing on Jonathan's beanbag.


Jackson taking a "family portrait."

Jackson took a picture of Jonatha and me after Jonathan's nap (nap hair).

Jackson took a "self-portrait."

Jackson awoke Jonathan with a photo shoot.

More playing on the beanbag.


Jackson took a floor shot of Jonathan trying to wake up. You can also see the layer of crud on the floor thanks to my excellent housekeeping.

Jackson set his Star Wars lego figures up to take pictures.

This one didn't turn out too well.

Jackson took a candid of me and Jonathan looking out the window.:)

Jonathan waking up and happier.

Jackson took video of Jonathan here. As you can tell, Jackson really likes the digital camera.

Jackson and Jonathan "fighting" on the beanbag in Jonathan's room.